I Want a Friend First and a Partner Second

While meet-cutes may not happen outside of RomComs, I’m trying to remain optimistic

I’m not good at dating in 2019. At least not the swiping dating-app type dating.

It feels more like a game rather than something that could lead me to meet my life partner. While it’s a convenient way to see all the different people who are available in your geographical area, the quick and instant method of dating seems too shallow to make real connections with someone.

I’m not very good at selling myself, I don’t take a lot of selfies — especially not in front of sunsets or mountain ranges — and I’m not comfortable meeting a complete stranger.

I think that’s what kills me on the apps.

Talking to someone for five minutes doesn’t give me a proper idea of whether or not we’d hit it off in person. This is important to me when I’m deciding if I want to meet someone because I’m not going to use my precious little emotional energy on someone who’s just going to ghost me.

Lack of emotional energy aside, I also want to be friends with the person I’m dating.

Now, I’m not saying that you can’t develop a friendship with someone you started dating on an app. But, I’m the type of person who does better romantically when I’m already friends with someone.

The problem is that dating apps have taken over the dating scene so much so that it feels almost impossible to meet someone “in real life.” And on dating apps, it seems if you’re not willing to meet up with a guy in the first few minutes of chatting with them, you’re wasting their time.

The number of times I’ve been chatting with a guy I was attracted to, but he gave up before I was comfortable meeting up with him is off the charts. It’s something I just have to put up with because the culture of online dating is basically a speed dating game.

First dates stress me out big time. So, to go on a date with a complete stranger is extra mega stressful. If I’m going to stress myself out, I might as well do it with someone I know I’ll have a good time with.

It’s not completely impossible to meet someone “offline,” but sometimes it feels like it when everyone seems to be on dating apps. In my most idealist romantic moments, I imagine the ultimate meet-cute at a local bookstore or library.

While meet-cutes may not happen outside of RomComs, I’m trying to remain optimistic because people met, dated, and all that LONG before dating apps and I’m sure will continue doing so after dating apps are gone.

I’ll continue to look for someone to be my friend first and my partner second.

Writer || INFJ || Wellness junkie and chronic oversharer. jgoldsmithwrites.com/

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