For 22 of my 25 years, I’ve been single. And most of those 3 “not single" years I was in an on-again-off-again thing.
The dating world has changed a lot in my lifetime. It’s no longer about meeting some guy in a bar or god forbid an actual Meet Cute! People don’t meet each other in real life anymore, it’s all about the dating apps.
Tinder has made dating into a pastime, where you can always be looking for the next potential date. Even looking itself is passive; as easy as a swipe on your phone.
It’s also made hooking up a lot easier, which is nice for those looking for a quick fling. But for those who want something a little more serious, online dating is a minefield. Trying to wade through the guys/girls who are just there to hook up, hoping you’ll find someone to actually talk to.
There are also all these rules, especially for women, so you don’t get “ghosted.” Be engaged in the conversation, ask questions, but don’t seem too available. If they don’t ask you out in two days, let it go.
I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count. But I would never claim to be good at chatting someone up on Tinder.
So between spending all my time on Tinder being ghosted and not actually meeting anyone in real life, it’s easy to feel a bit hopeless… okay, maybe a lot hopeless.
It’s easy to feel like you’re some sort of swamp creature instead of a person. Like you’re “Undateable.” This is a word my friend and I throw around when we’re in the depths of a self-pity party.
I spent a lot of my life feeling like my worth was based on if people liked me. If girls wanted to be my friend and if boys liked me (you know like liked me). But all of the energy I spent trying to be likable, I didn’t bother to like myself.
Now, this is not an article saying “no one will love you if you don’t love yourself.” That’s BS in my opinion.
No, I want you to feel like even if you feel like you’re going to be alone forever, you’re not alone in feeling that way.
I’m not going to tell you that there’s someone out there for you because there might not be. But that’s OKAY! You’re going to be fine. Your worth isn’t based on whether or not someone is in a relationship with you.
You’re a wonderful amazing human person on your own merit. There’s no void inside you that a person can fill. You don’t need a “better half” because you’re whole on your own. Being single doesn’t define you, as much as being tall or short doesn’t define you. You’re worthy of love, even if all the people on Tinder ghost you, or you don’t get any matches.
Society would like us to believe that we’re broken or something is wrong with us if we’re not dating. But that’s simply not true. Romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that matter.
You have friends and family (whether biological or found) and they matter more than some rando on the internet.
Hold your head up, you swamp creature, and be proud!